Domestic violence is one of those things that tends to get swept under the rug but today the NFL made a major victory for women everywhere. Thanks Ray Rice! Although, it is not one of those subjects you can really sugar coat, many people tend to find excuses for those who hit women.
“She hit him first.” “She provoked him.” What? You didn’t see her lunge at him?” “If she wanna go at him like a man, then she should accept getting hit like one.”
First of all, he is a football player. Men that are bigger than him hit him much harder than that woman could have. Secondly, how does any person justify a man hitting a woman? So, should he hit his mother, as well? Should he smack the living daylights out of his daughter?
Men, get a grip.
I have experienced domestic violence on a personal level. Both receiving it and dishing it out. I have been guilty of provoking drawn out physical battles with my ex on many an occasion. I always lost. It was always because he disrespected me in some way, shape, or form. I did not know how to control my anger, thus lashing out physically because there was no other way to stop being angry… but it never helped. Our relationship remained stagnant due to the blatant disrespect we exhibited for each other’s physical being. It is any wonder how we lasted twelve years.
For those out there who believe that she should have kept her hands to herself, you’re right. For those who said he should have never hit her (or that men should never hit a woman) you are also right. Men should never, ever, hit a woman. Regardless of provocation, rage, or because “she wanted to act like a man”, no man should ever hit a woman. Women should respect their partner enough to communicate effectively, rather than resorting to physical violence.
I remember being told it was my fault. I remember being told I was the bad guy. Sadly, for a long time I believed that. I knew I was the bad guy. I was wrong. Forever I was blamed and told I deserved to get what I got from him.
But that was never true.
Then I hear that people believe that his now-wife is an idiot for marrying him… Let me say this, to an extent, No. She is not an idiot. That is to say that all women who stay in abusive relationships are idiots. Sure, it isn’t the best situation but many women stay for the same reasons.
- Love: or the idea that what they have is real love.
- Hope: that things will change, that he will get help, that things will get better.
- Fear: that he will follow her, that no one will take her, that she is damaged.
- Children: the kids need their family whole, the kids will be devastated.
- Desperation: there is nowhere else to go and they have “everything” in the home.
- Money: In the case of a divorce, a financial settlement will be large for some.
Sometimes it is this uncanny ability of the woman to believe that she somehow is loved because he won’t let her go. The man has made her believe that his love is the only kind of pure love that is so strong that his anger is derived from the purity of it. It does not always make sense, but for the woman, she is so broken and desperate in some situations that she just feels that this is the best option. I do believe that she still married him for the sake of the money he is bound to earn, even after being released from the team, as well as the sake of the children. Hey, in the event of another situation (which is almost inevitable in abuse cases) she is bound to get some pretty decent money for her suffering… so maybe she is playing that game. In any case, the abuse is not acceptable and her choice to stay, no matter the reason is between her and her husband and their higher power.
This is the society we live in today. We have been raised in a society where physical violence is normal. Where disrespecting your partner is normal and what is portrayed on so many shows. No. It is not normal. It is not right. It is not acceptable. Or the more money you have, the more you get away with.
Women do not deserve respect. Our music, our television shows, our movies… they all show women portrayed as objects, and our daughters are beginning to believe it is okay to allow themselves to be sexualized and scantily clad. Too many women are being called “bad bitches” and are expected to allow men to walk all over us because we are their property. We are watching shows and listening to music where women embarrass themselves by singing about and acting without class, violent, drunk, openly sexual, and just downright unladylike. We are allowing our children to believe this is okay. That woman are supposed to act like divas instead of like godly women that have a unique gift to a special man who will value us.
God made woman from man to be his helper, not his slave. We were made to complement men, not compliment them as trophies. We were made to respect men and obey them, but men were expected to treat us with respect and protect us. God never intended for woman to be abused because He made us to be mothers, homemakers, and followers of him to raise godly children. We need to show our children that such behavior is not acceptable, because only then can we raise a new generation of good humans who treat each other with respect.
The NF- excuse me, the Ravens’ No Tolerance take on this case has put domestic violence above drug use and drunk driving, where the penalties for such behavior merited much harsher punishments. This has brought women back to a place where they should be respected, no matter how much money someone makes. No matter whether you’re having a lover’s spat. Drunk or not. There is no excuse. The slap on the wrist they initially gave Rice was an insult to women and respectable men everywhere and showed society that women are not worth the respect or safety from such abuse.
Thank you, Baltimore Ravens for helping put women back in that light, that we are deserving of better treatment and that that type of behavior towards us is unacceptable. In any light, domestic violence is terrible, but no one gets to really see it and today was an eye-opener for so many. Hopefully this is the beginning of a new movement towards women’s rights to show young men, and other men in the sports community, that no one is exempt and that it is a punishable offense.
Let this be an eye-opener to us all, that it is time for change. It is time for us to explain to our children that this is not okay. That we deserve better. Men and women alike, we deserve better in our relationships and we should be seeking respect and love and throw a lot of Jesus in the mix for healthy lives and spirits.
I really wish I would have found Jesus a long time ago… it could have spared me a lot of heartache and pain. Even if this is not a matter of God being needed in this situation, everyone should seek out Jesus to have a better quality of life.
Colossians 3:19 [ESV] Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them.
1 Peter 3:1 [ESV] Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives,
Love one another as Jesus and God love you. God bless you all.