It seems I rarely get on to blog and pour out my soul anymore. I’ve been living. Praying. Reading. Observing. Working on myself and the things in my life that can always be improved.
Lately, it seems like it has been a true roller coaster of different things. My big-headed son, J, has been on a very up and down mix of emotions, frustrations, accomplishments, and failures. I do not love him any less, but my patience is truly being tested. I am constantly working on my approach of how to conquer my frustrations with his instability. I realize his ADHD creates these moods that are so easily confusing to both him and myself, but it is hard to put that in context when you see improvement and then the sudden crash of emotions which cause him to act irrationally.
I see phone calls from the school consistently… Last week, was a rare one, where I didn’t receive any negative news. What an accomplishment! A week of absolutely peace, and at least ONE day where he actually did bring home homework was a huge deal. And you better believe I praised the living daylights outta him just so he knew how great he was doing…
Come to this week and of course, all that praise turned to disappointment. A fight. A phone call. Consequences. It’s hard for him to be consistent, and I know it is just part of his ADHD… but I tell you, it sometimes seems like he is afraid of setting that bar, that standard, higher because then we would expect more of him… I told him, my expectations aren’t that high, but for him they must still seem almost impossible to reach. We take the good with the bad. We pray and hope.
Sometimes, it’s the little accomplishments that make him feel better. Then there are the bad days. The really bad days. The ones where he wants to give up because he feels like such a failure. The days where he feels like no matter what, he will never be better. Those days are hard, on both of us, because it feels like the deep hole he throws himself into has no ladder. It can take days to get out of the slump. Sometimes, it can take minutes (and the tricky part about these days is we feel like he doesn’t care about what just happened).
Apparently, this is all normal. And that is the hardest part about all this: Realizing this is all normal for him.
So, on the good days we praise what we can. Any simple accomplishment, from doing dishes to picking up his clothes off the floor. On the bad days, we discuss what might have triggered any behavior and what we can do to work on it. Once in a while I’m not the reasonable and I yell, but that is where I’m working on myself. Then we realize tomorrow is a new day and it is another chance.
So, here is to taking the good with the bad, and allowing tomorrow to be a new day to start again.