No one ever really tells you that you are going to go through your fair share of pain before you can find your happiness. No one ever really warns you that dating is a process and you have to figure it all out as you go.
“What? My first boyfriend won’t marry me? What do you mean that he really isn’t my first love? How dare you question that this is true love!? You just don’t understand us!” – said a teenage me.
Many years later, I realize that all the experience is essential to becoming the right fit for someone else. Your needs tend to change. What you wanted in a relationship a year ago, might not be the same thing you want today. Either your partner adjusts to those changes, or the relationship just won’t work.
During those times of solitude you tend to sit back and analyze the relationship to determine what went so wrong and made it end. Either it was you, or it was them. We usually point at it had to be their fault, but let’s be honest, it is probably both parties. Sure, you think you may have done everything to try to make that person happy, but maybe you weren’t doing the right things. Maybe it was them that wasn’t willing to really accept your love and the life you offered them with you. Sometimes there are other things outside of the relationship that might affect someone negatively enough. All in all, if it didn’t work today then it probably won’t work in the future.
I wasn’t the right person for a few guys I dated. Some weren’t right for me. Sometimes no matter how much one person wants something to work, if it doesn’t work for both it cannot be forced. And for a long time I forced a relationship with a man that I thought I loved and it just wasn’t going to work, no matter how hard we tried. Things get in the way. The connection just isn’t there.
Just because the last relationship didn’t work, it doesn’t mean you didn’t deserve to be loved. It just means that your idea of love was not compatible with theirs. It means that they didn’t know how to love you the way you deserved. Not that you are not worth loving, but you are worth a better love, one that person cannot provide. They are saving you the time of not having to figure it out later when you are too far invested. So look on the bright side, they spared you a long time of trying for nothing.
We’ve all ended up better for the experience and have moved on in our lives. And for those who haven’t, their time will come.
Be thankful when someone let’s you go. Sure, you have to deal with the heartache but it’s all part of the process of finding the one who can love you the way you deserve to be loved. Sure you loved this person, but they couldn’t love you the way you needed to be loved, and whether they knew it or not, they needed someone who was going to love them the way need, too.
Thank you to the men who couldn’t love me the way I deserved to be loved. Thank you to those who chose to give me up because I didn’t suit their needs. They only left me available to the man who would love me the way I deserved. They made me into a woman who could suit his needs.
Before? I used to dream of having a good relationship. I used to have nightmares of what I didn’t want. I used to dream about the man that I deserved. The fun and the laughter.
Today? I wake up holding the man of my dreams. A man I never thought I would have in my life.
It’s all thanks to the men who did not want to love me the way I needed. They did me a favor. Not that I knew it then, but I know it now.
So no matter what you are going through right now, just know that in the end you get what you deserve. You get the happiness that is just right for you. You get the perfect fit… but before that happens you have to learn about what you want, know your worth, what you deserve and be willing to accept no less than that. It takes practice. Like everything else in life before you get it just right. So be willing to accept love when it comes, maybe it’s not the right fit, but one day it will be.
Just be thankful to the ones who couldn’t love you today and left you so you can be loved just right tomorrow.