Have you ever not done anything all day? Just be completely lazy and actually feel guilty about it? Today was that day for me. I mean, aside from taking care of my kids, getting them to school, sweeping up and cooking, I really didn’t do anything else. I played on my phone, lay on the couch and stuck myself in front of the TV. Today was such a weird day for me though. I felt off. Somehow not myself. I haven’t written since Friday, thus I will probably try to back-date some posts to keep up with the whole post-a-day thing, but this is my lazy Monday blog.
Normally, I maintain a decent schedule of writing but today, I vegged in front of the TV with the boyfriend then slept most of the late morning and early afternoon with him. I woke up and realized I had “wasted” my day. I mean, quality time with him, quietly sleeping on the couch, no noise, just us, is amazing. Yet, I felt so creatively unproductive that I was disappointed in my day.
Later today there is some kind of favor I need to go do with an old promoter friend of mine, so hopefully that can either be a great business opportunity or just a reason to get out of the house but all in all my day wasn’t spent the way I usually spend it.
Sometimes, things change or you don’t feel comfortable doing what you’re used to in front of others for fear of being considered something you’re not. I’m not addicted to my computer, but I am very attached to the keyboard because I use it to write. I write the majority of my day and I’m almost afraid I won’t be able to write anymore when my schedule changes. I’m sure I will find time, and the boyfriend amazingly offered to help me get some time in while he occupies the girls for me. Isn’t he great?
This weekend was pretty busy so I wasn’t able to take part in my daily posts, but I will probably date two new posts for the days I missed in order to maintain the streak. Is that cheating? I would think it is, but frankly I am not concerned with being called a cheater, but with continuing to try to write every day. I guess when it comes to the weekend, I just like to not be glued to a computer (or my WordPress application on my Samsung Galaxy S2) while everyone is around. It just seems… I don’t know, rude. But I feel like I’m not doing my duty to myself to keep writing.
Today was a bad day for me, in the sense of my catharsis, not in the fact that I was in great company. Ugh, if he reads this, he’s going to think I didn’t enjoy my day with him. I did! I really did, but it just felt like I didn’t do what I want to do and it’s not even his fault. It is my own. I just didn’t want to spend the whole day trying to be inspired in front of the computer screen while he sat behind me watching sports, alone. I’m just so used to my days going a certain way, it throws me off when I don’t do them same. Maybe I’m a creature of habit which brings on the question of maybe I really do have ADD as my therapist once said, which means that having a routine is essential to my functioning as a human being. When things change, I tend to get anxiety or a nervousness that really has no explanation.
I’m actually just grateful that I was able to spend the day with my favorite person, actually get a nap (I never do that even though I can), and watch some shows on TV. Maybe it just wasn’t a day for writing and closing myself off in the name of creative catharsis. Maybe it was a day to recoup from a great weekend celebrating some awesome people with more awesome people and get out of my head a little.
Back to getting in my head. I have two days to make up for now. I really should considering blogging from my phone on the weekends even if it is just a picture post of something random I saw outside. Oh, who am I kidding, I need to be long-winded with mundane intricacies of a normal life. And you like it.