Three years ago, I wrote about the panic that settled in my heart whenever I would think about weddings. The bitterness that used to overwhelm me when I would see my friends get engaged and thinking, “when is it my turn?” was revealed then. It was the disappointment that somehow I was not good enough to get married back when, but I was definitely not ready for that commitment. So, looking back on it now, I am incredibly glad that God spoke me and told me, “Don’t you dare.”
Andrew and I had been dating already about two years and I was starting to get a little antsy. I started glorifying the whole engagement because I started seeing people who got together after us, get engaged and even get married. It started to bother me that he was dragging his feet on marrying me and keeping all of my amazing-ness to himself for the rest of his life.
So, I looked into pre-engagement counseling. Yes, that’s a real thing, okay? Through counseling I learned I was rushing God’s timing, but Andrew also did not have a real reason for him to not propose. The main purpose of the counseling was to see where we were in maturity about our expectation of why we wanted to get engaged in the first place. I wanted status. He wanted to just wait. He is incredibly patient and sometimes that means he walks very slowly towards some goals. This is where he evens me out.
So after a few months of pre-engagement counseling, we were going through the checklist together and realized everything we needed to be on the same level with was met… so we got engaged the next day.
May 22, 2015: So let me be transparent about this. Although we did have the proposal at the place where we had our first date, there was a “pre-proposal” just before then.
As romantic and planned out as I wanted my proposal to be (you know, you see how every other guy plans out some deliberate plan to sweep a woman off her feet) I got something very low-key but very beautiful in itself.
I went to get my nails done, since we had a long weekend ahead of us with his family in town. I figured it had been a while since I pampered myself and wanted to really look pretty. I went home, took a shower and got dressed in some sweatpants, an old ratty t-shirt, and a towel on my head drying my hair. As I come out of the bathroom, Andrew is sitting on the bed, and he calls me over. He grabs my hand and tells me,
These last two years have been some of the best years of my life. We have had our ups and downs and I know there were times when we didn’t know if we were going to make it, but I know God made it all possible and here we are. Better than ever and stronger than ever.
And as he is saying this I’m thinking, “Oh my God. Is he really doing this while I’m in sweatpants?”
I love you and I love the kids. I want to be here for you and for them for the rest of my life. Will you marry me?
Of course, I smile and I start tearing up a little bit and I say yes.
Sure, it was not the huge extravagant event I imagined I wanted, but it was still perfect. Low-key, simple, to the point, and completely emotional. Andrew reflected on the goodness of our love and he let me know that he wanted to experience that for the rest of his life.
Although his proposal was perfectly us I did ask for one thing… that we reenact the proposal at where we had our first date, surrounded by family and he complied. I said yes, TWICE. And both times were perfect, but I will always cherish the moment where I was in my realest form; sweat pants and my hair in a towel, because it is what defines our relationship: casual and honest. Sometimes reality can be so much better than the dream because it’s authentic and not scripted. I know that nothing needs to be done extravagantly, just excellently. And I have got an excellent man of God. Everything he does to show me his love is done with excellence. What more could I ask for? Nothing. And even if I asked for it he is always sure to try his best to give it to me.
What was your proposal like (if you are married)? What is your dream proposal? How did the two differ?
Until next time, be blessed.
~ ♥ Athena